What a fucking waste of an outfit
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
