One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
