you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can't turn off my feet"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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