Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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