Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Randomize
