the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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