I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
