I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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