i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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