I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
