As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
