i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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