im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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