the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i've created a new STD.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
