And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
