i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
