During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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