I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
