A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
