I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
