Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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