Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
