Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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