If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
