Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
