I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
