we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
