Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
