I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
