Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
