I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
