This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
