Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
