I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
