Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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