i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
