I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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