i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
