Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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