Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
