I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
