All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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