Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
