I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
