I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
