It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I understand Curling. That high.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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