i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Two words: blizzard sex
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
