Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
