I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
