i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
