need another drink. this is the easiest way
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
