I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
