people are starting to question the shark bite story
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
