its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
