WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
