I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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