I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
